BUSH'S HOROSCOPE

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BUSH'S HOROSCOPE

Your astrological signs were derived about 1000 or was it 3000 years ago? Umm what's two thousand years. The method is simple, in the morning, still slightly drunk and hungover, the oldest Republican in the village would wake up.He/she would rub their beard and think long and hard. Moving their hand away from the near by sheep's testicles he/she would glance up to the sun. After muttering a few curses because it was so bright, he/she would glance at the heavens. Upon gazing at the sky whatever constellation was near the sun, was whammo the scope of the day.

"To an old leader will be born an idiot heir, weak both in knowledge and in war. Come the millennium, month 12, In the home of greatest power, The village idiot will come forth, To be acclaimed the leader." - Nostradamus, 1555

Dubya Bush Is A Cancer: (appropriate) Born July 6 1946

Note:

Attempts to rewrite your birth certificate will fail.

Not one person on this planet is going to believe that you alway was and always will be. So please remove the word God where it says baby's name. You will note that the staff is still in therapy after seeing what you put down for name of mother and father; Big Blessed Babs and God #41 is just not gonna cut it.

You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. You're a conservative and basically are chicken shit.

Election year '04
Dressing up in a variety of themes will make Bush look like a fool.
Wearing a flightsuit with a sock in the crotch might be something that makes Ann Coulter's heart flutter but that's about it.
Wearing a NASCAR jacket does not make you a driver Herr Bush it makes you look like a dunce.
In late summer Bush puts on a loin cloth and swings from a tree in Crawford Texas. Tarzan he's not! Cheeta, maybe.
October finds Bush searching for a Halloween theme; he is met with complaints from Snora (Laura) when he digs out a cheerleader outfit with Rush Limbaugh lip prints all over it.

You're greedy, cold and unemotional and often fall asleep on top of the lump in your bed. Political Cancers like you make good dump pickers and pimps.

Bush's moon is in a bad place come March. It seems people are concerned that a weasel has occupied the body of pResident Bush.
The shifty eyes, the darting movements and the smell. My advice to him is to not involve himself in more photo op parades, fake turkey presentations or flightsuit wearing. It may be more appropriate for him to contemplate wearing a rabbit suit for Easter. I mean we all know how fast they are at lovemaking. hehe So far Bush has been giving it to us slow and painful. Yes, be the bunny George and get it over with.

March Try not to procrastinate this month. The International Nosepicking Convention is coming up in April, so you'll need all of March to prepare to dig in.

August-04
Not so swift boat men come on the scene. You giggle behind closed doors and tell Uncle Dickie that Uncle Carl did good paying them to smear Kerry. Uncle Dickie slaps you around and tells you that after going AWOL it was not the brightest thing to bring Vietnam into focus. You cry and snivel but Uncle Dickie tells you to go f--k yourself and you get all happy again.

Blue hearts, yellow moons, orange stars, and green clovers will fill the air as you prance around the Oval Office in your Lucky the Leprechaun costume all month in honor of St. Patricks Day. Dont forget to mention (whilst peeking over the restroom stall at Uncle Dick Cheney) that your not so Irish Eyes are Smiling!

You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you're stupid. Everyone thinks you're a moron

April-You'll find yourself unable to break free of crude and vulgar statements this month. Just go with the flow, your usual stammering will cover the bloopers. Remember what happened in front of an open microphone.You're likely to become irritated by people who use complete sentences. There may be others who agree with you around. Invite them over. This way you'll have someone to talk with. If they bring pictures all the better you'll have something to look at. Don't look at your sinking poll numbers. I repeat, do not look at your sinking poll numbers.

You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot.

2002
A turbulent year.
Chance of choking. Please refer to main page of important book on how to chew your food correctly.

Enroning the people will not win you many kudos.
Where is Bin Laden? Oh, I'm the fortune teller <hehe>
OK here's a hint:
Look for large woman with big hands and feet, possibly with a hint of facial hair and a distinct adams apple! No, not Ann Coulter silly!

2001

Saturn's looking for his brains and bong. So you just raised the tax cut for the rich and the media whores are still carting you around on a satin pillow. Here you are, Mr. Village Idiot, just like Nostradamus said. The stars do not lie. You are a team player but what happens when someone is not part of the team? You execute them? You start talking Spanish? Maybe you call them major league a**holes?

May will not be a good month for you. More boils erupt and makes riding the bull a wee bit difficult.
June will bring news of woe for a male sibling. it seems said sibling has been caught wearing lace bras and blue eyeshadow.

July finds you in turmoil because of recent photo's of you picking your nose in the rose garden.

August Not good Mr. Resident. Uncle Dick tells friends that you are dumber than he first thought. Handlers are forced to make you recite the "See Spot Run" book day and night.